Jealousy, how to squash the pesky demon
April 11th, 2017
Many times I look over and see my partner about to play with someone else and think, HUH…WTF?! However within milliseconds I say, MMMM…OH YES because we are doing this together, consensually and wow it’s so hot watching.
Feelings are normal and allowed, how we deal with them is what will make or break us in life, love and just about everywhere in between.
Whether you are in a monogamous or a monogamish relationship… jealousy can rear its ugly head. No matter how mentally sex positive we are, how one deals with jealousy as a “me” determines how successful you are as a “we”.
Jealousy is rarely a black or white issue, and it is rarely objective.
What one person considers jealousy another may find hot just as much as what one sees as a pleasing lack of jealous may be viewed as indifference by another (Em and Lo, 2015). No two people are the same which means no two relationships are the same. Don’t compare your feelings to that of others. Decide what is and is not good for you and your partner.
Nothing good comes from keeping secrets and even worse can come from not dealing with insecurities or issues head on. Thinking, “my partner should’ve known ‘this or that’ would bother me” is unhealthy and unproductive. We are humans with advanced brains, true. However no one is a mind reader.
Is there a way to tell or even know if our feelings of jealousy are normal or just plain wacko? Yes and we’re here to help. Go through this section, be honest with yourself and then be open with your partner.
If you are single, reflect on how your past relationships went and “check in with yourself” about whether or not you performed some of these negative actions.
- If the situation was reversed and my partner was the one feeling jealous, would I think they were being reasonable or wacko?
- If I confided in my best friend about my jealous feelings, would they say I was being reasonable or wacko?
- Is there anything about this situation that is under my control or my partners control?
- Am I tempted to stalk or snoop on my partner?
- Do I resent my partner for the way I feel?
- Do I want the best for my partner and does my partner want the best for me?
- Does it bother me when my partner has a G.N.O.? (Guys Night Out/Girls Night Out)?
Having shared all of this let me close with…don’t always feel like you have to stifle the green-eyed monster: sometimes your partner might actually get a little thrill from hearing that you’re jealous. Jealous in moderation only!
We happen to think that a little bit of jealousy, again (in moderation) is a good thing. It can remind you how much you mean to each other. Just don’t let jealousy stop you and your partner from living.
Whether you are in an open relationship or monogamous relationship jealousy can cause several problems…many divorces too. Together we can make sure jealousy doesn’t ever hurt you.
Like we say, we are 100% emotionally monogamous and we often discuss feelings (negative and positive) in order to successfully navigate life together.
I’m much happier being a “we”.